Reaching out

[klwilliams]

Last night at aikido, while I was doing randori (multiple people attack me, and I step past them and send them rolling on their way), the senseis watching pointed out that I was waiting for the attack, but not offering any energy to the attackers in advance. I've been thinking about this, and I think it's part of my basic personality. In emotional situations (which being attacked by several people at once certainly is) I tend to be contained, and wait for the other person to make the first move. I don't know if this is a good thing or not, but it's something to ponder.

Comments

[klwilliams.livejournal.com]

That sounds like what my cop friend calls "verbal judo", which I've seen him use and have used myself with good result. The idea with verbal judo is to listen to the (usually upset or irate) person, let them know that you "unnerstand" what they're saying (and repeat it back to them) and that you "'preciate" their position, but your position is (that they need to go with you to the police station now, that they need to apologize to the person they were just rude to, etc.). It's actually a lot like aikido, because you get on the same side as the upset person, then steer them in the direction you want them to go.

[seainni.livejournal.com]

Sort of like this, only, when done right--more honest. You _don't_ go in intending to steer the other person in your direction. You go in to connect, figure out where both of you are coming from, and then try to find a solution that satisfies you both.

It's not verbal sparring, iow, but a finding of new ground on which you can both stand comfortably.

Which is I suppose why being either too active _or_ too reactive will keep it from working, which is a useful insight for me.

If you stay passive you let things happen too much on the other person's terms and not enough on yours; if you're too active you assert your terms but don't leave enough space for the other person's as well. Hmmm.

[klwilliams.livejournal.com]

Of course the police would go in intending to steer the other person in their direction -- jail --- but I find it interesting that I start from the idea of steering the other person in my direction. Hmm. Or maybe I just hung out around Michael too long.